No More Sandy Beaches

Article Written by Ali Mills

Cancer, what does this word mean to you? To me, cancer is a thief of joy, love, and life. One minute you are enjoying life and having fun on the beach laughing and splashing with waves crashing into the shore, then you blink and it is all gone. No more laughing and splashing in the crashing waves. Now you are looking into the eyes of someone you love looking lifeless, a disease that steals everyone’s joy and it stole mine. I am not the only one to lose someone I love to cancer. I was inspired to share my story by the book The Cancer Crisis In Appalachia which features a series of essays written by students from Eastern Kentucky who were affected by cancer as I have.  This is my story.

Growing up I did not have a biological father. Instead, I had something that turned out to be better, a man that claimed me as his own and who called me his daughter without asking any questions. This man I talk of, Larry Goosman, was with my mom when I was young, but later when they separated still loved me and made time to see me. We would spend every summer with him until one day I could no more. One summer I was visiting, and we had a few days before we went to the beach, so we went to visit family before we left. We were in a really nice neighborhood that had a pool. I had seen all the kids playing, so I wanted to play too, but as we got ready a storm came and everyone evacuated. I started to cry because I really wanted to swim. My dad saw I was hurt and he decided to leave for the beach the next morning rather than in a few days because all he wanted was for me to be happy. He made sure I got to swim at the beach the next day.

The thief I call cancer decided to strike. Dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, better known as throat cancer. At first, he was responding excellently to treatment and had good progress; then in 2019 his response to treatment declined and the cancer started to get worse. He was put into hospice, which helps to prepare and bring comfort to those who are about to pass. The morning he passed, me and my mom went to say goodbye. This was the person who loved me and showed me what a true father looked like. I needed to tell him how much I loved him, but unfortunately I did not get to because he was already gone. I could only hope he knew how much I loved him.

 I realized there would be no more beach trips, no looking into the stands at high school and college graduation, no seeing me at my first day of college or walking me down the aisle, or becoming a grandfather. I would have no more messaging or phone calls or listening to him calling me his Snook. I was never sure what Snook meant, but I knew it was his name for me and I loved it. I was his Snook, but I am not longer because now he is gone. I would give anything to go back in time and see him or to have a phone call from him telling me “Snook, everything is going to be alright and you will make it through college.” I just look up at the sky now and hope that he is looking down on me and smiling. I know he would be proud of me and be here every step of the way if he was still here.

My Dad would have done anything for anyone, and one thing was for sure. He loved his children with his whole heart. I lost a father and a best friend all in one because of cancer. Cancer took him so quickly. Cancer is the thief in my life. This is my story and many more can relate; I recommend reading the book and maybe you will you tell yours.